I Watch
by Sandshrew777
Summary: An observer watches its love interest and muses. A short drabble dealing with unrequited love. Written pre-HBP. Now regrettably AU.


I watch as she orders you around, and I cringe as you sit down three seats away from me with a sigh. You seem overworked and about to collapse, yet you simply add another thing to your little to-do list. I wonder when you get the time to rest, but I can't bring myself to ask. We don't interact that often, but when we do, I cherish the time we spend together. Sometimes it's just five seconds, but they are five seconds that I treasure in my heart and head forever.

I watch, now, as your mouth moves. Too late, I realize you've caught me looking. My heart begins to beat as if I were running a marathon, and silence fills the room. Then I realize you've simply asked a question, aloof to my staring. I ask you to repeat it, and you do. I tell you where Orla Quirke is; now you are back to your work, and I am back to my staring.

I watch as you rise from your seat as lunch ends. Automatically, my arms pack up my things as my legs begin to walk. I follow you until we are to part paths, and I berate myself for being such a ruddy moron. Soon, however, the day passes and we are in the same room again.

I watch, but do not move as you receive the message from Dumbledore. Nobody else uses that regal-looking eagle owl but him. He certainly has his favorites. You curse a little as you are obviously put out by whatever it is he had to say. I say a few sympathetic words and crack a weak joke. You smirk a little as you scoff, and I can tell you appreciate my words. I am pleased, but you have already moved on to talk to someone else. I frown a little, then redon my mask. Let the masquerade continue.

I watch you as you try to sleep, tossing and turning. Eventually, you drift off into a peaceful slumber, cuddling a fluffy pillow. You have a contented smile on your face, and I can only dream that I put it there. That will never happen, though. You are the forbidden fruit. You are the tempting fruit from which Eve and Adam bit. You are forbidden, and it is all I can do to admire you without giving in to my desires. The snake whispers in my ear, but my auditory canal is clamped shut through sheer will alone. I will never have you, I realise, but somehow, that's okay.

I watch as you awkwardly sing with her, your voice not meaning the words---or so I hope. As you end the song, the two of you laugh. It was all in fun, and nothing was meant by it. You sing with her occasionally, and the words you sing make me melt. I picture myself being on the receiving end of them, and I smile to myself. Life is good when you sing.

I watch as you finally ask her to be your girlfriend, and I watch your face light up when she acquiesces. I wish I was the one making you feel this way, but I instead congratulate you when I see you next, and tell you it was about time you got up the nerve to ask her out.

I watch that smile seem as if it would never leave your face. Too soon, however, paradise ends for you and her.

I watch the scene she makes when she breaks up with you. My heart breaks with yours as you nearly break down. You regain your composure, and instead sit back down, fiendishly attacking your homework. I know you are distracting yourself, so I let you. When I get too tired to finish my own, I walk over to you. You wave me away, saying you are busy, but I offer a shoulder to cry on nonetheless. You look up and smile, saying that perhaps you'll take me up on that offer sometime, when you need it. You falsely insist that you are okay, and I do not argue. I head to bed, but I never sleep. My thoughts are consumed by you, and you alone. You alone, however, is not something about which I can be happy.

I watch as you toil away, day after day, forgetting all about her. You move on to another girl, and the two of you are happy for a time. I am happy, too, until the end comes for you both. My mood soon merges with yours, and I go on your rollercoaster of emotions. I find that I can hardly keep my eyes off of you lately. I thank the heavens above that my schoolwork does not suffer, seeing as I only share one class with you.

I watch you as you finally find happiness with a great girl. I know it as soon as you ask her to go to Hogsmeade with you. I am at peace, even if I can't have you. All I ever wanted was to have you happy, and now you are.

I watch my brother walk over to me, zigzagging past the clutter of the living room in the Burrow, our childhood home. He lays a hand on my shoulder, and merely smiles. He understands; he lost his love, too, the woman he could never tame to be his own.

I watch as you and Hermione kiss underneath the mistletoe, and Ron's hand tenses on my shoulder, nearly unnoticeable to anyone but his baby sister.

I watch as my love gets married to one of my best girlfriends, and as I stand there with them, I somehow find the energy to smile; somehow, I am happy for them, even if it is killing me inside.

I watch you every day, still. She notices, and smiles. She knows my secret, one of the few that I have told willingly. I will never make a move on her man, and she knows it. You are a man now, and I cannot have you. It still doesn't stop me from watching you, and it keeps me off the market as well. Even if I don't have you, I live a tranquil life. I have someone to love, and even if you don't love me back, I can still say I have loved.

I watch Harry Potter.


End file.
